I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
