I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
