Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
