Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
