we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
