the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
