I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
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