we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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