I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
