I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
