My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
