shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Drunk is a universal language darling
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize