How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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