guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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