Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
