let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
