the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
