He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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