I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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