he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
sex in a hospital.. check
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
