it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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