You're my little dorito
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Farmville is her only friend.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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