I faked an abortion last night.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
