Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
