I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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