you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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