my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
No subtext here. People are naked.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
