Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
