I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Too much gin, very little bucket
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
