what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
