worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
