farters have to be the big spoon...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
