why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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