I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
