saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
