you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
