That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
