She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
