He kissed a someone with a penis
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
