Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
