Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
