so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
