3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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