the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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