Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
