My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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