Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
