just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Do you remember whose house we're in?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
