He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
as a side note pls kill me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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