Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
