I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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